remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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