your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
