I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
