i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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