Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
