don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
