i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
