I cockslap morals
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize