good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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