It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
