If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
