you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
