That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
