Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize