I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
