god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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