Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
