so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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