Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
