i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love you.
Bad choice
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
