the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
