you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
