My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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