So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
