toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
