She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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