My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
