ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize