Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
