I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Princesses don't give blow jobs
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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