Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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