he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
