I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i need some magic done to my vagina
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize