arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
