you guys were way drunker than both of me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
