Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
