We won't sleep together?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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