yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
