Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to make out with him forever
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
