Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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