He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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