So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
