my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
