No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
