okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
