Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
