Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
