literally had 100 drinks last night.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
