i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
