Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
