I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
