she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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