Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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