So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
