TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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