i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
