i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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