The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
