I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
