I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
