Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
