I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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