i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
