i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
