Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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