I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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