gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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