get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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