I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What a dumb baby whore.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
