Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
