i came on her dog
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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