i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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