Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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