I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
