babies were throwing up all over the place
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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