I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
