my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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