Your face is a jimmy john
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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