I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
