There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
