I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
