FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
